Rules For Living With Me

Living with me is easy, unless you do not follow my rules. My rules are:

1. There will always be an open can of noms waiting for me in the fridge.

I don't care if it's tuna, chicken or turkey, but there must be a can on the ready! I do have my preferences though. My favorites are tuna, liver and salmon.

2. My bowl will always be full of kibble.

If I can see the bottom of my bowl, it's too low. My dish should be overflowing.

3. My toys will be easily available.

This means my toys should be scattered all over the floor. I don't care if I haven't played with a certain toy in a month, I expect it to be available for me to use. I will let you know when I don't want the toy out anymore, and I will expect it to be replaced with another.

4. You will play with me whenever I want.

When I call, you better come running, or I find you! If you don't play, I will attack you anyway, so it's easier for the both of us if you just cooperate.

5. You will clean up my poop.

I know this should be self explanatory, but I know many who get confused and think my poop nuggets are tootsie rolls. I do not recommend in tasting them, I know the temptation is real. You must resist your urges.

6. Your lap will always be available.

I will be using you as a heated bed. When I come to you looking for lap time, you will drop everything and cater to me.

7. You will leave out your shoes, clothes and other personal items.

I expect you to leave out the items you use daily, so when I have to vomit, I can do it on your things. Your things are boring and need my artwork.

8. Speaking of artwork, you will leave out rolls of toilet paper.

I need to express myself, and I like to do this by making toilet paper art. You will make millions from my work, I guarantee it!

I will let you absorb these rules before I inform you of more.

~Butters